You just got a call from daycare.
Your toddler hit another child.
Cue the panic.
“Why is my child acting out?”
“Is the child who got hit okay?”
And then the confusion really sets in.
Your toddler never hits at home.
You’ve never seen this kind of behavior before. So now you’re left wondering where it came from and how to handle it.
First, take a deep breath. You’re not alone in this.
Toddler hitting at daycare is surprisingly common. And no, it doesn’t mean your child is mean or that you’re a bad parent.
Let’s walk through what might really be going on—and what you can do to help.
Related Reading: If Daycare Drop-Offs Are a Nightmare, Read This First!
Why Do Toddlers Hit at Daycare?
1. Limited Communication Skills
Your toddler is still learning how to express big feelings.
When they’re overwhelmed, excited, or frustrated, hitting might be their way of saying, “I need help!”
They might want a toy that another child is holding. Or they might not know how to say “Please stop.”
2. Emotional Overload
Daycare is a busy place. Lots of kids. New routines. Lots of stimulation.
That can feel like too much for little brains to process.
Aggressive behavior in toddlers often shows up when they’re emotionally dysregulated. And hitting can be a release.
3. Lack of Impulse Control
Toddlers are impulsive.
They act before they think.
Even if they know hitting isn’t okay, that doesn’t mean they can stop themselves in the moment.
Impulse control develops gradually through modeling and consistent boundaries.
4. Testing Boundaries
This age is all about exploring.
Your toddler is learning what’s okay and what’s not at home and at daycare.
Sometimes, hitting is their way of testing the waters and watching how adults respond.
5. Tired, Hungry, or Overstimulated
Let’s be real: we all get cranky when we’re tired or hungry.
For toddlers, those needs hit harder. And when they’re unmet, behaviors like hitting can spike.
Related Reading: No Naps, No Peace? What to Do When Daycare Sleep Fails
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How Daycares Typically Handle Hitting
Good daycares don’t shame kids for misbehaving. Instead, they:
- Step in immediately and calmly
- Offer a safe space to cool down
- Redirect to a more appropriate activity
- Teach gentle hands and use words
- Let parents know when it happens (not to blame, but to keep communication open)
If you’re unsure how your daycare handles toddler aggression, ask.
It’s okay to advocate for your child and ensure they’re supported with empathy, not punishment.
What You Can Do at Home to Help
1. Talk About Emotions Daily
Use simple phrases like:
- “You felt mad when he took your toy.”
- “Next time, say ‘Stop’ instead of hitting.”
Books about feelings can also help toddlers learn the words they need.
2. Practice Gentle Touch
Make it a game.
Practice gentle hands with a stuffed animal or while playing together.
Reinforce this language often, even outside of hitting moments.
3. Set Clear and Consistent Limits
When hitting happens, stay calm and firm.
“Hitting hurts. I won’t let you hit.”
Avoid shaming. Your toddler isn’t bad. They’re still learning.
4. Stay Connected With the Caregivers
Check in with your daycare teachers.
- When is the hitting happening?
- Who’s involved?
- Are there triggers you can address together?
This helps you get the full picture and shows your child that everyone is on the same team.
5. Use Positive Reinforcement
Catch your child being kind.
Praise moments of sharing, helping, or using their words:
“I saw you ask for the toy instead of grabbing it. That was awesome!”
It helps reinforce the behaviors you want to see more of.
Will My Toddler Grow Out of This?
Most toddlers do.
Many kids go through a hitting phase. It usually happens when they feel strong emotions. However, with proper tools and support, they can learn to handle these feelings.
Teaching your child emotional regulation and social skills will help them throughout their life.
So yes, this will pass. And no, you’re not raising a bully.
A Note on When to Seek Extra Help
If your toddler’s behavior is extreme, lasts too long, or gets worse, don’t hesitate to reach out to a pediatrician or child psychologist.
Sometimes, a little expert support can make all the difference.
And remember, there is no shame in asking for help. You’re doing the best for your child, and that’s powerful.
You’re Navigating a Tough Season—But You’re Not Alone
Toddler hitting at daycare is hard.
It brings up guilt, worry, and a million questions.
But guess what?
You’re not the only parent going through this. And your child isn’t the only one learning how to be in the world.
Stay curious. Stay kind to your child and yourself.
This isn’t the end of the story. It’s just one chapter in their growth journey.
Want more real talk and support for daycare challenges?
Check out more helpful reads on WorkingMomAndBaby.com. We’ve got your back, mama.
